So that’s that…

Dear “Boyfriend”—

I’m writing this letter sitting at home alone, and I’m struggling because I don’t know how to say what I’m about to tell you. Part of me wishes you were here with me so I could do this in person, but we both know that’s a rare occasion lately. So here I am, groping for words with tears on my cheeks and hoping that you’ll somehow forgive me for what I’m about to write.

I’m breaking up with you. I need to be able to go out and do things without a piece of me constantly thinking about what you’re doing and whether or not I’ll get a chance to see you, or if I’ll be too busy or vice versa. I need to cut this tie so I can live a normal life without the constant “What time will you be home?” and then waiting to see if you’re awake or not to tired to come see me. I need time to focus on my work, because it’s really important to me and I need to be able to do that without the fear and guilt that I feel when you get upset that I’m working late, or when I take a call or text message about work. I work in a direct care setting and I need to know that the person I am with understands that my job doesn’t stop when I punch out for the day.

I’ve taken the last few days to really think about this and I’ve come to realize that I’m just not as invested in a relationship as I should be. It doesn’t bother me anymore when I don’t hear from you for days and the thought of not seeing you very often doesn’t make me teary anymore. This has been coming on for a long time. We just don’t communicate like we used to. Heck, here I am writing this to you instead of just speaking to you in person, what does that say about us? Look no one did anything wrong, it obviously just wasn’t meant to be. So let’s skip the blame and let me just express my sincere appreciation for you. Thank you for allowing me to see your lovely soul and for sharing so much of yourself with me. You will make someone really happy someday.

I want you to know you deserve a person who will see you as you deserve to be seen, as an incredible human being with an amazing sense of humor and a sweet side a mile wide. I am sorry I can’t be that person for you. Thank you for teaching me to trust my instincts, and helping me feel safe enough to know when enough is enough.

I know it’s cliche but I hope that we can still be friends in some capacity. I hope that we can put our differences aside and still root one another on as we continue to travel on this crazy life journey. If not, I understand. I can’t say I’ll agree or be okay with it at first but I will respect your decision. Thank you again for everything you have given me. There will always be a special place in my heart for you.

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