In my life, I have constantly been trying to please someone else– my teachers, my employers, my family, my friends, the world in general—but now, I want to please me. If my attitude, or my figure or my mentality bothers you, I’m done apologizing. Get over it. I am learning to finally accept myself for who and what I am. I don’t ask you to do the same; I just ask that you respect my decision.
I think I am almost finally at a place in my life where I am comfortable in my skin, and at peace with myself. I think that my being at peace makes others uncomfortable, in that because they find fault with the way I look or the way I act and think, that I should as well. I love the fact that my body has given birth to three gorgeous children, I love the stretch marks, the mommy lap and the added cleavage. I also love the fact that despite how my body looks, I can hike for miles before I start to tire out and that I can do yoga just as well anyone else.
I am a fickle person. I own that. I change my mind constantly, and you know what?? It’s okay! I can do that. I don’t have to stay on one course forever. I can add spice and flair to my life, if I decide to. Just because I liked computers and gaming last year, doesn’t mean that I like it today. Just because I love shopping, and fashion and beautiful things today, doesn’t mean that I will next year. The ability to change your mind, your passions, and your desires is a truly amazing gift, which I put to good use.
I have dreams. Most are unrealized but I have them nonetheless. I want to write, to travel, to teach, to learn, to craft, to relax, to breathe. Some days, I want to do one more than another, but eventually I will get to them all. Just because your path lead you straight and directly to your dreams, doesn’t mean that mine will. Asking me what I want to do with my life doesn’t help. I don’t know yet, and I think that is okay too. I don’t know today, but I might tomorrow. I thought I knew a year ago, but it’s changed. I don’t mind.
My spirituality is my own. I don’t care what or if you believe, honestly. I am finding my own way. I don’t want your opinion, your guidance or your “prayers”. I will find what rings true for me, and when I do I won’t subject you to it. Spirituality is a personal thing.
Just because I failed once at something, doesn’t give you (or me) the right to always assume I’ll fail at it over and over again. Just because I got divorced once, doesn’t mean I should never go out and try to find love again. Sometimes, it takes a little longer or a setback to find out what you’ve been looking for.
I will never stop trying to improve myself or stop trying to increase my happiness. I am worth every hour and every penny I decide to put towards making myself happy, I spent far too much money and time on making others happy that it caused me to doubt my own self-worth. Never again.
I am enough. Enough for me and that’s all that matters.